The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read

(And Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did)

By: Philippa Perry

Narrated by: Philippa Perry

More than 1.3 million copies sold worldwide!

“A wonderful book”―Richard Osman

“If you're determinedly not a self-help kind of reader (like me), make an exception for [this book]. And if you're not a parent, don't dismiss it. The message is one of non-judgmental kindness.”―Vogue (London)

How can we have better relationships?

In this instant Sunday Times bestseller, leading psychotherapist Philippa Perry reveals the vital do's and don'ts of relationships. This is a book for us all. Whether you are interested in understanding how your upbringing has shaped you, looking to handle your child's feelings or wishing to support your partner, you will find indispensable information and realistic tips here. Philippa Perry's sane, sage and judgement-free advice is an essential resource on how to have the best possible relationships with the people who matter to you most.

©2020 Philippa Perry (P)2020 Penguin Audio

Critic reviews

“[H]onest, warm, and judgment-free. . . this is essential for all parents, from those first expecting to empty nesters. It's never too early or too late to improve the relationship with your children, and, as the title suggests, they'll be glad you did.”—Booklist (starred review)

“Healing from, and learning not to perpetuate, difficult upbringings is the linchpin of this practical, self-care-centered parenting guide . . . Perry’s kind but professional tone results in a helpful manual that will appeal to new parents who want an expert on board as they take the time to be reflective in their parenting.”—Publishers Weekly

"It is hard to read fast, not just because Perry’s text is punctuated by exercises...but because it prompts so many realisations, or insights, or clearly names things that have until now existed just beyond one’s awareness. And it provides tools, straightforward and manageable if not always easy, that can be implemented at once. I am grateful for it."—The Guardian (UK)

This book is AMAZING!!!

This book has been very eye opening and has made me more aware of how much our behavior effects our children. You are reminded that the small things do matter. I love how each chapter has exercises at the end to help your implement some of these tactics at home. This is definitely a audiobook I will be listening to for years to come. Thank you

Just finished and ready to start it again

The relationship and communication advice goes beyond raising a child. From pregnancy through 100 years old. Parents, partners, and children. I found myself immediately putting her words into action.

Total game changer in my relationship with my children

This is a very well written book that helps you understand why you should say things differently, how to say them differently, the effects you have on your child by doing/ or not doing things differently. It helps me to understand the psychology behind children and teenagers outbursts. I have a toddler and a teenager. This book has helped guide me on how to communicate effectively with both of them (and how to communicate with my husband better since he is like talking to a child sometimes). This is a great book all parents should read!

There’s always time to be a better parent

Much of this book focuses on being a good guide to your children from a psychological perspective. I really liked the focus throughout on repairing ruptures, and the emotional wellbeing of your child .

I don’t entirely agree with the philosophy of the book I feel that the book leads on that babies and children are possessions, and that their feelings are always correct . Our feelings are not always right, in children or adults and need to be sorted out at times by others; parents or therapy. This book largely leaves out that sorting out, and leans very heavily on letting the emotions be right and accepting them.

must read and use!!

I love this book!! the insights and perspective helped me and encouraged me to become a better mom.

Very helpful

I came across this when my own children were teenagers. I know they wish I’d read it sooner. It has helped me as a childcare provider. I’m grateful this book exists and encourage anyone who has children, spends time with children or simply wants to understand children to read it.

Great book!

A book every parent should read! Definitely eye opening and recommending to all my friends and family.

Life changing.

This is one of those books that has the power to change your life and your children’s lives too. I’ve been through it twice at different stages of my children’s lives and my only regret is not reading it again to more consistently implement the good stuff into my life.

A gem

I have read (and studied in college) many books on parenting and child development - and this is an invaluable addition to the great works in these domains.
The author does a great job taking by the hand “old” parents and adult children of parents, and new/future parents alike and holding up a compassionate mirror as if to say: “here - this is a place where some inner work needs to be done in order to achieve greater intimacy and harmony within your child-parent or parent-child relationship”.
It’s not easy work, but the insights are priceless and the benefits from doing it - immeasurable for generations to come. Inter-generational trauma is no easy task and definitely no joke.
Not sure what the person who mentioned that this is a judgmental book on parents was talking about. Clearly a chip on (*ahem*) his shoulder. Not once in the book did I hear her start a sentence with “not to be judgmental (…)”.
To the contrary, I found it very soothing and reassuring throughout, that it is “not about the mistake, but the attempts at amends”.
The only place I found it detracting was the child voices she does throughout the narration, which at times are a bit over the top.
But not too off-putting to make me stop listening. The information is a lot more valuable than my personal preference in that area.

Superb - especially if listened to with an open mind!

This book is great. It uses an open tone and is not in the slightest bit condescending. My wife and I listened to parts together and it was a wonderful conversation starter as we reflected on our own childhoods, and now how we are as parents.

At times throughout the book, the author sets out a variety of relatable scenarios, and then explains how they would/could be resolved. However, it is also often acknowledged that these resolutions are not the only way to resolve the scenarios - because everyone’s circumstances are different.

All in all, it comes down to communication and empathy. This means understanding how you’re communicating with others, as well as understanding that when someone responds to you in a less-than-ideal way, it’s almost definitely not about you. And it’s almost definitely better to respond in a measured way as to not stoke the fire.

There are a lot of lessons in this book and it would be impossible to take in them all in one run-through. Suspect I’ll listen to this book most years to top up the parenting cup!